guts

the topic of the day is guts-spilling. not like horror movie gross-out style, more like share your deepest darkest inner secret. I can tell I've got everyone hooked now. maybe if you stay hooked I will share a deep dark secret with the group. and don't just skim to the bottom either, I might put it in the middle just to prevent cheating.

ok, where were we. ah yes, baring innermost feelings.

this whole phenomenon is particulary intriguing to me. in a way, it is sort of like physical affection. what I mean by this is that in a certain way, we all want to do it really bad. I think. we all just want to go and tell someone every thing that we ever thought just so that it stops crashing around in our head. in the same way that everyone wants to have some kind of physical contact with another person. even if its just a handshake or something--it makes you feel much more human and connected.

so if every single person in manhattan or new york or the world wants to do something, why don't we all just do it with each other. I am talking about guts-spilling, not hand-shaking. in fact, lets stop the analogy to physical contact now, because it is starting to get a little distracting. feel free to take a break and be distracted on your own for a few minutes if you like. dont be too distracted though, I need you as my captive audience.

On rare occasions, we probably all experience this type of situation, where true thoughts and maybe even feelings are fully exchanged. this type of real conversation should not be mistaken for the usual day to day bs such as the following:

guy: how are you?
girl: Im ok, I am having a bad day.
guy: do you need a (friend to talk to)/(drink)/(backrub)?
girl: no, thats ok, I need to get going. maybe another time. (thinks: creep)

or even the following:

girl 1: me and tommy got in a fight last night.
girl 2: tommy is such an ass! you deserve better!
girl 1: yeah, you're right, I do.
girl 2: can we go out tonight? I need to relax. (thinks: I need to get drunk)

I am getting off track here, but you get the idea.

Everyone once in a while, a rare opportunity comes along where you actually get to tell somebody what you really think. or maybe they tell you. ideally both.

I think that this is a little bit too scary of a proposition for most people. it involves not only acknowledging to yourself who you really are, but letting someone else in on this secret too. Its generally much safer and easier to talk about the last episode of family guy or how your job sucks. these seem to be two of people's favorite things to talk about.

this baring-of-innermost-feelings becomes especially complicated when the other persons feelings become tangled up in your feeling (ie you are in a serious relationship). in this situation, it seems there is a paradox in that the people you are closest to are sometimes the hardest to tell everything to. these things are usually easier with people you know but dont really know.

I hope that there are a few nodding heads in the audience here, otherwise I am starting to feel like an idiot.

so, in my experience, it seems like these kinds of special exchanges often come up at random times with people you dont really expect them to. especially when there is alcohol involved. but thats ok, a couple/few/dozen drinks probably never killed anyone.

when these conversation do occur, they are some of the most redeeming and fulfilling moments of human interaction. I think.

am I crazy?

yeah, you're probably right.