harlem kickball
taking a break from my main objective today, I looked outside the window of my prestigious harlem brownstone. I'm kidding, you know, central park north is just about as prestigious as the bronx is. it doesnt really have quite the same cache that central park west does, but unless you live in ny, you probably dont really know the difference, so thats ok.
anyways, looking out the 5th floor window of my prestigious central park north dwelling, I caught a lucky glimpse of something excellent - elementary school recess.
probably about 3rd grade, with a 95% confidence interval of 1 year. but probably 3rd grade. I really have kind of a sick natural ability at estimating anything like ages and times and numbers of objects and that kind of thing. Im almost like rainman or something. I can do it like it was my job. (the funny thing is that it actually really is my job.)
so there are these 3rd graders, and theyre playing old-school full-contact harlem kickball. harlem kickball is not like the kickball I played in school, not like it was for me back in the day. where I grew up, it was considered a big deal if a kids yarmulke (ya-mi-ka) fell off. (ok, ok, I'm not Jewish at all and I didnt even know how to spell that until 5 minutes ago and I hardly ever saw a yarmulke until I moved to ny and what I just said was slightly-to-very offensive, but we're all friends here).
so anyways, back to before my yarmulke fell off. full-contact hard-core spit-in-your-face third grade harlem kickball. and I had a front row seat in the nose bleed section.
first of all, everyone knows that you can tell the social status of a third grader by how far he can whale the kickball. that's what its called too, whaling it. the guys who can really whale it are the true studs in elem school. they get all the biggest custom-made valentines (the kind that don't even fit in your valentine box).
second of all, pegging is definitely allowed in spit-in-your-face harlem kickball. pegging is, of course, where you directly throw the ball at a baserunner in order to get them out. I witnessed one particularly vicious pegging today in which a collision occurred on the baseline and the fielder stood over the fallen baserunner and slammed the ball down onto the kid from over his head. I guess that kind of thing goes in harlem kickball.
third of all, you get about 40 extra style points if you slide into a base. keep in mind we are playing on blacktop here. you also get extra points if you do a series of rolls and somersaults after the slide and then pull up your pantleg to expose a skinned knee. (but of course, there's no crying in kickball. its out of the question.)
It should also be noted that a particulary good pegging or skinned knee can also go towards the stud factor too, which could mean that your custom-valentine may come with the particulary suggestive sweetheart candy hearts (kiss me, be mine, etc.). not all sweetheart candies are of equal valentine value.
at the end of the game, a girl who was sitting on a bench stood up to run back over with everyone else and spilled her crayolas all over the place, it was a real mess. to make matters worse for her, nobody stayed behind to help her pick them up. to make matters even worse, one of the kids rolled a kickball over at her and it kind of spread out her crayolas even more.
Based on a quick glance, it was a 48 pack, but two of them stayed in the box.
anyways, looking out the 5th floor window of my prestigious central park north dwelling, I caught a lucky glimpse of something excellent - elementary school recess.
probably about 3rd grade, with a 95% confidence interval of 1 year. but probably 3rd grade. I really have kind of a sick natural ability at estimating anything like ages and times and numbers of objects and that kind of thing. Im almost like rainman or something. I can do it like it was my job. (the funny thing is that it actually really is my job.)
so there are these 3rd graders, and theyre playing old-school full-contact harlem kickball. harlem kickball is not like the kickball I played in school, not like it was for me back in the day. where I grew up, it was considered a big deal if a kids yarmulke (ya-mi-ka) fell off. (ok, ok, I'm not Jewish at all and I didnt even know how to spell that until 5 minutes ago and I hardly ever saw a yarmulke until I moved to ny and what I just said was slightly-to-very offensive, but we're all friends here).
so anyways, back to before my yarmulke fell off. full-contact hard-core spit-in-your-face third grade harlem kickball. and I had a front row seat in the nose bleed section.
first of all, everyone knows that you can tell the social status of a third grader by how far he can whale the kickball. that's what its called too, whaling it. the guys who can really whale it are the true studs in elem school. they get all the biggest custom-made valentines (the kind that don't even fit in your valentine box).
second of all, pegging is definitely allowed in spit-in-your-face harlem kickball. pegging is, of course, where you directly throw the ball at a baserunner in order to get them out. I witnessed one particularly vicious pegging today in which a collision occurred on the baseline and the fielder stood over the fallen baserunner and slammed the ball down onto the kid from over his head. I guess that kind of thing goes in harlem kickball.
third of all, you get about 40 extra style points if you slide into a base. keep in mind we are playing on blacktop here. you also get extra points if you do a series of rolls and somersaults after the slide and then pull up your pantleg to expose a skinned knee. (but of course, there's no crying in kickball. its out of the question.)
It should also be noted that a particulary good pegging or skinned knee can also go towards the stud factor too, which could mean that your custom-valentine may come with the particulary suggestive sweetheart candy hearts (kiss me, be mine, etc.). not all sweetheart candies are of equal valentine value.
at the end of the game, a girl who was sitting on a bench stood up to run back over with everyone else and spilled her crayolas all over the place, it was a real mess. to make matters worse for her, nobody stayed behind to help her pick them up. to make matters even worse, one of the kids rolled a kickball over at her and it kind of spread out her crayolas even more.
Based on a quick glance, it was a 48 pack, but two of them stayed in the box.
posted by JB at 3:25 PM
3 Comments:
I like to call it a Kippah.
Dodgeball was banned in my school district in Texas. Too violent. That's why I'm soft and easily bruised; I never got a chance to toughen up.
Nice post...I bet you already knew I got small valentine's!
Post a Comment
<< Home